#so i wasn't bullied for being queer but i was so terrified of it anyway that it took me ages to come out to myself
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seeing teenage gays out and about, holding hands and laughing and everything is SO healing. each new sighting puts a new bandaid on my inner queer child
#when i was in middle school gay was still a widely accepted slur and i didn't know a single out queer#when i was in high school i was in a privileged environment in the sense that it was a multicultural school that really put the emphasis#on tolerance#so i wasn't bullied for being queer but i was so terrified of it anyway that it took me ages to come out to myself#because my whole life i'd been taught (and by taught i mean no one talked about it but that was the underlying message)#that gay wasn't okay and that it was something that only happened to very few unlucky people#when i got my first crush on a girl (it took me months to even acknowledge that i liked her) i remember thinking#why me#i was already disabled and i was like why do i keep drawing the short straw#why do these things that only happen to some people here and there keep happening to me#now i know that being queer is a blessing but back then i felt cursed#and discussions of gender were non existent i wasn't even thinking about that#so anyway. it just warms my heart so much that only 10-15 years later kids in middle school and high school are able to express themselves#freely#and be joyful and carefree in their queerness#it makes me so emotional#rain.stuff
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Sometimes I'm still more scared to allude to being asexual than I am to say that I am queer
#the void screams#i wasn't very online in the 2010s. i didn't have tumblr until late 2010s. i didn't know i was ace or queer or anything until the pandemic.#but the kind of community destruction that happened lingers. and it spreads. you don't see death left at the sight of a massacre#but you can feel it. and i want so badly to be confident and happy in my identity. to prove i'm not afraid.#to prove it's okay and wonderful to people younger than me. to prove i can't be bullied out of existence.#to prove we're real.#but somedays i can't even stand the thought of wearing the bracelet my sister made me in the flag colours#somedays i want to hide the flag that's on my shelf in my bedroom even if no one ever sees my space#somedays i'm terrified by the amount i talk about it all on here because what if it happens again#somedays i see how people erase us from media and i'm so fucking angry#sometimes i see people filling character tags saying a character being ace is homophobic and i feel sick#i don't really know what point i'm trying to make. this is mostly me venting. but fuck.#how do people justify hurting people so thoroughly and then laugh about how cringe they were as if no one was affected?#anyway
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Hi friend! So before I ask my silly little questions about OFMD, I just wanna preface that we’re usually drinking & smoking during tv club lol And I miss so much shit because I’m goofy lol But the nice thing is when I rewatch it’s like brand new to me! (There are so many scenes that circle back to details from the first episode alone, it’s fantastic!)
Ok so in OFMD s1e1: Do we think that Stede & Captain Nigel Badminton used to ‘creep*’ during their days at boarding school? Or is it just me? Cause the way o-boy ‘asked’ for a tour of the ship was hella gay!! The hand gestures and the eyes, plus the taking off of his wig before heading to Stede’s bedroom, coupled with the cheese & assholes comment and Stede’s tone when agreeing, “Oh! I bet it does.” Like how is that not gay af?!
Side note: I also think that Officer Wellington is Cptn. Badminton’s new subordinate with benefits, and that’s why he tried to persuade them to return to the ship when they were getting up to start the ‘tour’. He was jealous/worried about what might transpire behind closed doors perhaps.
Anyways my two favorite parts, and arguably the episode’s best scenes, are when they’re making their flags and we learn that cats are terrifying, because they’re witches and they’ve got knives in their feet!
And also when Cptn. Badminton get’s his ‘tour’ of Stede’s bedroom and sees that he brought a library, and then asks, “I mean, what if there’s a storm? Don’t all the books fall out?” Then it cuts to the scene of Stede, screaming in terror, desperately trying to contain the books on the shelve while they cascade down all around him! Fukkn. Dead.
Lol ok I’m off to rewatch e2 to take my little notes, I’ll be back!
*I feel like most, if not all, of their private interactions would be of dubious consent, seeing as how Nigel is Stede’s bully
Hiya!
I never thought about Stede and Nigel that way. This, however is a wonderful opening for me to say what I DO think of that interaction.
I feel as though Nigel (for Stede) is a type of Izzy. He's giving gay and cheerfully willing to bully Stede for doing it 'wrong'.
He does queer coded stuff, but the uniform - the uniform is protecting him from what that stuff implies.
That's why I think Chauncey was so fucking unhinged. It wasn't just about his brother being dead, it was the fact that he was supposed to be safe from a man like Stede.
Now, fandom has some Badminton/Bonnet dub/non con out there, so mind the gap.
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